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about

TW: Substance Abuse Disorder, Sexual Assault

lyrics

Villain or victim?
I can’t write the story without both.
When you meet our maker,
Will you speak or will you choke?

A familiar sound in the silence,
It fades out when I try less to die less,
I digress.
Hopeless feels like more.
It’s the same walk to the bodega.
The same store, the same perks, the same clerk,
Who remembers that I said that “I don’t drink anymore”.
The epitome of self violence.
Oh, they’ll buy this-
Hey kids, try this.
It only hurts for a second, and then it won’t even sting.

Well I hate to break it to you, I’m giving up.
Hate to be the bearer of bad news,
This whole thing’s fucked.
I was never better than the rest.
Stayed alive, and that’s my best.
So I hate to break it to you,
I’m giving up.

The clerk asked “What’s the reason for this?”.
It’s a backlash, a quick wince.
“Do you know what they praised me for?
I’m the poster child for survivors.”
You really think I could take it back from him,
When I can’t even tell my friends that it happened again?

Well I hate to break it to you, I’m giving up.
Hate to be the bearer of bad news,
This whole thing’s fucked.
I was never better than the rest.
Stayed alive, and that’s my best.
So I hate to break it to you,
I’m giving up.


This whole thing’s fucked.

credits

from Songs I Wrote Instead of Killing Myself, released March 3, 2023

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What did you do when there was nothing left?

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